Postcards from Russia - The Tzars saw it coming (Post-athon day 1!)

Summer is now very far away, and I am not very good at remembering details, so I'll be quick.

Russia 1917, the last members of the imperial family are driven away from Saint Petersburg and gave rise to one of the most popular 20th century legends, Anastasia (I may have watched the 20th Century Fox movie at least a million times).

But I digress. The purpose of this post is to show, that sometimes you can, or at least, you have to see certain things coming (like a mass of raging proletarias who want to send to to hell).

Here's a story:

Tzar: "My dear daughter, here's a palace in the center of Saint Petersburg as a wedding gift"
Princess: "Thanks Daddy, but I don't like it".
Tzar: "Why darling?".
Princess: "I hate the view!"
Tzar: "But why? It is a lovely view of the square, and the church on the other side is magnificent".
Princess: "Oh, but there is that statue of you in a horse in the center of the square".
Tzar: "sure, and?"
Princess: "The horse's backside is the first thing you see when you look out the window".

And that is the story of how one of the hundreds of palaces in Saint Petersburg has always been empty.

And here's another story:

Summer, Saint Petersburg, some time in the XIXth century (yes I am that accurate with historical facts). The tzar and his family relocate to their summer palace 29 km away from their hundreds of palaces of Saint Petersburg. Golden fountains that flow with the sound of music (even one dedicated to the tzar's favourite dog), a channel from the main fountain to the sea, a yet smaller palace for those times were 40 rooms are not enough to get away from your family... and your subjects Mr. Tzar?

"Oh, they may be starving, but I am sure they will not be a problem".

Ha.

Who couldn't see that coming?

I'm not dead, and proudly announce...

Ok, I may have been suffering writer's block or actually just being lazy, I know I owe you some more postcards from Russia, and I know I have not posted anything half funny in the last few months, but do not suffer! I have many many ideas in mind now, and I intend to put them into practice.

I am therefore proud to announce, the "1st Such is Life Post-athon" (*please cheer*)!

Now you may wonder:

a) What on Earth is a Post-athon? and

b) Why is she announcing stuff she is not going to do?

Well, please find your answers below:

a) A Post-athon is a blogging marathon. From now till December 1st I intend to post something every single day, yeah, I have gone suicidal. One post per day for the next... 1, 2, 3, ...21 days!

b) I am very stubborn (clear examples of this are: The hula hoop and the diving paradoxes, soon to be published in the Post-athon.

Yeap, more Such is Life coming in... TOMORROW.

But before I can go all crazy with the new draft posts, I have some draft minutes to prepare. I hate working on bank holidays (you here me people at W&C? hate working on bank holidays, a little thank you would be much appreciated).

Such is Life

Postcards from Russia - Through my peephole

Thursday, last few days of holidays before going back to my quest for blue Narnian donkeys fluent in Chinese, and here I am, with some more Postcards from Russia while watching (ashamed to admit it) a please-shoot-this-obnoxious-brat average program on MTV.

And although I can barely blink while the teenage brat screams at her mother for giving her a $67,000 car at the wrong time, I really feel, as the sensible adult I am, I should stop paying attention to the TV and get to the point of today's post.

A Russian crane

A peek on Russia's day-to-day life. Sure I did all the touristy stuff, paid my repects to Mr. Lenin's tiny body and all, but while doing that my camera got some glimpses of what lies beneath, a country struggling to adjust to capitalism and free market. I have said it before and will repeat it here, never have I seen so many supercars parked close to prefall of the Iron Curtain Ladas, petrol tycoons and other stuff mobsters drinking vodka in 5 star hotel halls while their security personnel eye you poor tourist suspiciosly (no kidding) and just a couple of blocks away workmen carrying put their jobs in the poorest conditions.

After last summer's trip to Romania I thought I had seen enough of Eastern Europe to get the idea of how ex-communist countries are facing the twenty first century. I was wrong, Russia has that same bitter taste but in this case, the mix of the super rich and the super poor makes the place a lot more interesting for the blogger eye. 

I spent a full five minutes watching the works outside Mowcow's Red Square. Please look at the pictures with full attention, the sequence is hilarious (and unsafe).

Am I getting too serious? I think I am! This is new... Anyway, just wanted to give some text to this pictures. Hope you enjoy them. Again, more to be found in my Fb page, only for friends!

Next on Such is Life: Postcards from Russia - The Tzars should have seen it coming!

Postcards from Russia - Such great hights

I've learnt quite a lot of things about Russia lately, its recent and not so recent history, its people and their traditions.

Capitalism, free market and Perestroika have had a somewhat disfunctional way of becoming part of the daily life of Russians, big fat cars mingle with groups of women dressed in black,old men playing chess in the middle of the street and women wearing the most unbelievable high heels one could ever manage to walk on.

- "Let's do the shopping, darling".

- "Sure, dear, i just need to put my comfy shoes on".

Seriously, I bet half the money in my purse (0,76€) that Russian hospitals have the highest rate of ankle injuries among female patients between the ages of 17 and 35 in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

Unbelievable.

I therefore undertook the task of taking pictures of all the Russian women wearing appaling heels that I could, and trust me, it was a difficult task to try and take the picture without their enormous mobster boyfriends turning my humble digicam (as in Digimon! but digicam) to tiny sparkling metal pieces (which explains why most pictures are either blurry or twisted).

High heels walking across Moscow's Red Square's irregular pavement make one believe impossible is nothing, of course then you watch this impossibly tall women lose balance and can't help but imagine an average Moscovite ER filled with women carrying one broken high heel shoe in one hand, ankle throbbing.

Of course I have not checked statistics on Russian hospitals, but I have been witness to some very common collateral damages that come with wearing heels through impossible pavements. As you walk along any Russian street you can perfectly hear the very particular clang of lidless heels announcing the arrival of an impossibly tall Russian female, and of course you are correct in that assumption. Here she comes, accompanied by her mobster boyfriend. Camera out, picture!

It hit me as something quite surprising when I discovered this sign at the entrance of Saint Petersburg's Ermitage museum. You can take pictures everywhere, ruin a beautiful Rafael or Leonardo taking pictures but please refrain from ruining the floor with your high heel shoes!!

I pitied them, suffering all day long... I pitied them even more when I learned the reason behing those shoes. Our tour guide in Moscow was a young girl in her twenties who gave us the plainest answer to this quizz: "We wear this shoes to get good men". I really hope she is wrong... Alas, she is one Russian woman, and they are millions treading down the heart of that country. They are likely to have their own reasons.

This is the winner as far as hight goes

I'll leave you now, London's calling, and I have a plane to catch. I plan to have some New Age fun with a vintage feel while I take pictures of the London fields looking through my pair of empty frames, why you may wonder, well, cause being a dickhead's cool, and of course, cause Such is Life!

P.D.: More pictures can be found in my fb page, only for friends!

Postcards from Russia - Moscow and the defenders of the land.

Hey there!

Red Square (Moscow)

Just returned from a holiday in Moscow and Saint Petersburg with my camera full of pictures (yet too many) and even more things to share with you.

Curious place, with curious habits and curious people to say the least and nearly 500 pictures I will not bother you with, just my personal favourites. Today, my take on the Russian authorities.

I suppose Russians will be used to their huge hats but to me they looked like something brought from the past.
The truth is, I felt carried a couple dozen years back while passing their way. It doesn't help that at least 8 of them permanently watch over Lenin's preserved corpse during opening hours or that they make a very odd yet fun looking "dance" while changing guards at the tomb of the unknown Russian soldiers. Even their own "kin" watched them curiously as three soldiers lifted their legs and hit their waepons while maintaining a difficult balance.

The walls of the Kremlin (Moscow)

During the weekend dozens of young cadets (recently graduated by their looks) filled the streets of Moscow leaving some very fun and odd pictures. Walking with their girlfriends and their impossibly high heels (post in the oven in this regard) or just walking along the Red Square with their proud mothers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, nieces, cousins...



I started to feel too touristy and decided to stop taking pictures, until the morning after, when I came by this:

Smile boys!

More to come on Such is Life's trip to the other side!

Enjoy your summer!

Such is life.

Melon. Yet another "Such is Life" story

Remember me?

The laziest blogger ever? Well I am finally on holidays and ready to provide you with yet another typical "Such is Life" story. Enjoy!


MELON:

What if your mom cared so much about you eating well at work that every morning she would cut a nice slice of melon cut it in pieces, put it in a lunch box and leave it in your bag for you to take to work? wouldn't that be nice? Sure! Awesome, thanks mom, it is lovely.

Or not.

What if you forgot to eat half your melon and realized just on the elevator that takes you home. What would you do? You don't want to dispappoint your mom (let alone let her repeatedly tell you how unhealthy you eat and how dreadful it is that you forgot your melon).

So back to the elevator, there you are, 11pm, back from a long's day work and you panic: S**** there is melon in my lunch box! Think M, think! You live in a very high floor, the elevator is going to take at least a minute and a half to get there. Eat! Now! go! So you start to eat your melon at "12 campanadas" speed (will explain what "12 campanadas" is later), and by the time you reach your floor, chocking and still trying to swallow the last two pieces, guess what?

Your sister and father are waiting for the elevator.

You try to greet them casually, trying to hide the fact that your hand is dripping with sticky melon and that your mouth is full of melon, and that the lunch box is opened in your hand. Oh! i da', sis'er wha' ar' you do (*cough*) ere?

Sister laughs, you finally swallow. Hey dad, I was just eating a forgotten piece of melon. I'll go home now. Bye!

Your sister whatapp's you countless laughs, you finally laugh at yourself, and even more when your sister tells you what your father said: Does she really think I'm going to buy that "one melon piece" thing?

Why not dad? It is perfectly normal to eat melon as fast as you can in an elevator at 11pm on a Tuesday night, right?

Lesson learned, never forget to eat your melon, and if you do, don't lie kids. You'll get caught.

THE END

Such is Life!



12 campanadas: In Spain, we receive the new year eating one grape for each time the bell rings at midnight on December 31st. Chocking is quite common, starting the year spitting grapes to the face of the ones you love too. So. Much. Fun. You have to eat the damn grapes so fast to make it twelve before January 1st that you can barely breathe.

GoT

When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There's no middle ground.

Mr. George R. R. Martin, we may have to meet this summer...

Such is life